When looking for a potential partner the first three things I look for are as follows:
1. Personality
2. Similar interests/ values
3. Intelligence
(4.) Physical attraction
My mom said she would look for:
1. Values
2. Intelligence
3. Sense of humor
And my dad said he would look for:
1. Similar values
2. Ability to compromise/ open minded
3. Similar long term goals (lifestyle, kids, religion)
I was not really surprised at my parents' answers to the question because, ultimately, I believe that any good parent would want their child to be happy. When my mom was coming up with answers to this question she had a very difficult time narrowing her selections to just three. She drew upon her experience with the divorce to come up with some of the things that caused conflict in her marriage. Seeing my parents divorce accounts for why many of our top three are the same.
I still would not be okay with my parents arranging my marriage. Though they may say that these are their top three focal points, there are other things further down the list that could be deal breakers for them that are things that I am looking for. I do not have the same views or values as my parents and would prefer to judge for myself who I am best to be with.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Life Happens
Our family for the "Life Happens" experience was a part of the upper-middle class. It consisted of an adult female, an adult male, and their 16 year old son. Both parents were lawyers with a joint income of $140,000 per year. Their son was expecting to graduate high school early and do some traveling before attending college. They had one car paid for and a payment on a second. They had $10,000 in savings and were living in a 3 bedroom house.
During the budgeting process I wanted to be sure that our family didn't go above and beyond what was necessary in most categories. We settled with no cable TV, a Honda Civic, and no budgeted entertainment costs. The reasoning behind this is that I really wanted to make sure that our family had plenty to donate to charities and those less fortunate than ourselves, much how I hope to live my own life. At times I felt a bit disgusted with the gross amount of excess that we had while other groups were struggling to make their ends meet; after our expenses ($30,000 of which went to donations) we still had more than $69,000 left over.
Due to the overabundance of money our family held, no decision was really difficult at all, there was nothing that we couldn't afford.
*UPDATE*
Our random event card was a $200 tax refund. Needless to say, this wasn't anything that made or broke our budget. We had no need for this extra money, so we simply added it to our savings.
During the budgeting process I wanted to be sure that our family didn't go above and beyond what was necessary in most categories. We settled with no cable TV, a Honda Civic, and no budgeted entertainment costs. The reasoning behind this is that I really wanted to make sure that our family had plenty to donate to charities and those less fortunate than ourselves, much how I hope to live my own life. At times I felt a bit disgusted with the gross amount of excess that we had while other groups were struggling to make their ends meet; after our expenses ($30,000 of which went to donations) we still had more than $69,000 left over.
Due to the overabundance of money our family held, no decision was really difficult at all, there was nothing that we couldn't afford.
*UPDATE*
Our random event card was a $200 tax refund. Needless to say, this wasn't anything that made or broke our budget. We had no need for this extra money, so we simply added it to our savings.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Group Structure
Within my core group of friends each of us have certain roles we fulfill, although we are not trapped in these set roles. I am describing my core group as : Matt, Spencer, Anna, Jorge, Zach, and Blake, and myself.
Task Roles
Matt - Generally Matt takes on the task role of the "information seeker". Whenever an idea is proposed Matt is usually the one to figure out the details of how it is going to work out. Matt also often acts as the "orienter" keeping the group on task and steering us back on course when we get side tracked.
Spencer - Spencer usually fills the "information giver" role; he is very good at relating personal experiences and is a wealth of knowledge on a plethora of subjects.
Anna - It is hard to narrow Anna to just one roll because she contributes so many aspects to the group. Most often she is the "elaborator" and/ or the "initiator". She often proposes ideas of things for us to do as well as elaborating on others' plans.
Jorge - Jorge is most often the "engergizer"; his enthusiasm is contagious and he often drives the group into action.
Zach - The "evaluator" is the position that best describes Zach. He looks at things in an analytical way and determines the possibility that the plan will work out. Zach also often fills the position of the "procedural technician", deciding where events are to take place and what will all be required.
Blake - Much the same as Zach, Blake often acts as the "evaluator", but he also fills the roles of "opinion giver" and "information seeker". He proposes ideas of what the group should do and also seeks out information.
Myself - I most often find myself in the role of "procedural technician", I figure out the logistics of most events we coordinate. I also act as the "opinion seeker" to be sure that everyone is okay with the plans we make.
Personal Roles
Matt - Matt is often a "compromiser" in his personal role. He is a pretty easy-going guy and doesn't mind if things don't go exactly his way.
Spencer - Spencer is also easy-going and acts as a "compromiser".
Anna - "gatekeeper" is a role that Anna often contributes to our group. She makes a point that everyone has a say in what goes on.
Jorge - Jorge is the "encourager" of our group.
Zach - Zach is a good "harmonizer" he often defuses stressful situations with his wit.
Blake - Blake is also very good at being the "harmonizer" in almost any situation. He is always trying to cheer people up and bring people together.
Myself - I tend to be a "compromiser" and a "harmonizer" because I am easy going and when people fight I feel very anxious and uncomfortable.
Our group never faces much conflict, as we are all pretty easy going, flexible people. There is never really one leader; that role tends to change with every situation. Matt, Anna, Blake, and Zach generally step up to lead most situations. On occasion, if an event is happening at my house or has personal interest tied to me, I will lead the group. We all tend to lead with a democratic, and rarely authoritarian, style.
I don't at all mind the roles in the group that I fill. None of us were forced into any role or feel we need to be someone we aren't for the sake of the group, all of our roles are based on our individual personalities. We harmonize because we all have similar interests and a diverse range of personalities to fill several different roles. We use each others' strengths and cover each others' weaknesses so that we remain one solid circle of friends.
:) BFFs 4 EVR
Task Roles
Matt - Generally Matt takes on the task role of the "information seeker". Whenever an idea is proposed Matt is usually the one to figure out the details of how it is going to work out. Matt also often acts as the "orienter" keeping the group on task and steering us back on course when we get side tracked.
Spencer - Spencer usually fills the "information giver" role; he is very good at relating personal experiences and is a wealth of knowledge on a plethora of subjects.
Anna - It is hard to narrow Anna to just one roll because she contributes so many aspects to the group. Most often she is the "elaborator" and/ or the "initiator". She often proposes ideas of things for us to do as well as elaborating on others' plans.
Jorge - Jorge is most often the "engergizer"; his enthusiasm is contagious and he often drives the group into action.
Zach - The "evaluator" is the position that best describes Zach. He looks at things in an analytical way and determines the possibility that the plan will work out. Zach also often fills the position of the "procedural technician", deciding where events are to take place and what will all be required.
Blake - Much the same as Zach, Blake often acts as the "evaluator", but he also fills the roles of "opinion giver" and "information seeker". He proposes ideas of what the group should do and also seeks out information.
Myself - I most often find myself in the role of "procedural technician", I figure out the logistics of most events we coordinate. I also act as the "opinion seeker" to be sure that everyone is okay with the plans we make.
Personal Roles
Matt - Matt is often a "compromiser" in his personal role. He is a pretty easy-going guy and doesn't mind if things don't go exactly his way.
Spencer - Spencer is also easy-going and acts as a "compromiser".
Anna - "gatekeeper" is a role that Anna often contributes to our group. She makes a point that everyone has a say in what goes on.
Jorge - Jorge is the "encourager" of our group.
Zach - Zach is a good "harmonizer" he often defuses stressful situations with his wit.
Blake - Blake is also very good at being the "harmonizer" in almost any situation. He is always trying to cheer people up and bring people together.
Myself - I tend to be a "compromiser" and a "harmonizer" because I am easy going and when people fight I feel very anxious and uncomfortable.
Our group never faces much conflict, as we are all pretty easy going, flexible people. There is never really one leader; that role tends to change with every situation. Matt, Anna, Blake, and Zach generally step up to lead most situations. On occasion, if an event is happening at my house or has personal interest tied to me, I will lead the group. We all tend to lead with a democratic, and rarely authoritarian, style.
I don't at all mind the roles in the group that I fill. None of us were forced into any role or feel we need to be someone we aren't for the sake of the group, all of our roles are based on our individual personalities. We harmonize because we all have similar interests and a diverse range of personalities to fill several different roles. We use each others' strengths and cover each others' weaknesses so that we remain one solid circle of friends.
:) BFFs 4 EVR
Thursday, September 13, 2012
My Values
I would definitely say that the values I hold dear to me are much more in line with the "emerging values" listed in the textbook. Among these that I use to guide my everyday life are: Physical Fitness, Youthfulness, and Concern for the Environment.
As an athlete physical fitness is hugely important to me. I am determined to never be a stereotypical "fat American". Soccer , biking, and hacky sack (foot bag) are my activities of choice, but I love to stay active anyway I can. My zeal for physical fitness likely comes from my three older brothers (with four boys we were always on the run) and my friends, who are athletes as well. I also believe that it comes from a disgust of the state of our nation and the way that we are viewed by the world. Over 35% of adults living in the United States are obese and I am determined not to be one of them.
Youthfulness is another value which I hold near to my heart. It is my personal belief that you have to get old, you don't have to grow up. Although this isn't entirely true I feel that if you keep a youthful attitude you are more likely to be active, fun, and healthy; both mentally and physically. This year my dad turned fifty years old, he is still fairly active, despite the signs of aging, and loves to snowmobile, go boating, camping, and hunting. I believe I have acquired this value from my girlfriend who is determined to never let age dictate how much fun you can have. After all, it's just a number.
Concern for the Environment is more than just a value to me, it is a passion. I always try to go out of my way to do good for our Mother Earth, whether it be picking up litter, car pooling, recycling, or paying a little extra for Eco-friendly products. For example, today in class I had a tube of "Save the Earth" Gum from Project Seven. The idea is that for every tube of gum you buy, they plant one fruit tree, thus providing food and eliminating CO2 from the air. If I have the option I will always buy a product made from materials that have a minimal footprint on our environment. I believe that this value was instilled in me by my love for the outdoors. As previously stated my brothers and I were always running about, especially in the woods near my house. My family also does an annual trip up to Big Lake, near Boulder Junction, Wisconsin. I am so passionate about the environment that I am considering making it my profession. It has impacted my daily life in many, many ways. The inserts of my shoes are made from Eco-friendly cushioning, I chew "Save the Earth" Gum, and my girlfriend and I are both very passionate about our planet.
The questions for the day are: What are your major values? How do you use those values in your daily life, and where did those values come from (what makes you value them)?
As an athlete physical fitness is hugely important to me. I am determined to never be a stereotypical "fat American". Soccer , biking, and hacky sack (foot bag) are my activities of choice, but I love to stay active anyway I can. My zeal for physical fitness likely comes from my three older brothers (with four boys we were always on the run) and my friends, who are athletes as well. I also believe that it comes from a disgust of the state of our nation and the way that we are viewed by the world. Over 35% of adults living in the United States are obese and I am determined not to be one of them.
Youthfulness is another value which I hold near to my heart. It is my personal belief that you have to get old, you don't have to grow up. Although this isn't entirely true I feel that if you keep a youthful attitude you are more likely to be active, fun, and healthy; both mentally and physically. This year my dad turned fifty years old, he is still fairly active, despite the signs of aging, and loves to snowmobile, go boating, camping, and hunting. I believe I have acquired this value from my girlfriend who is determined to never let age dictate how much fun you can have. After all, it's just a number.
Concern for the Environment is more than just a value to me, it is a passion. I always try to go out of my way to do good for our Mother Earth, whether it be picking up litter, car pooling, recycling, or paying a little extra for Eco-friendly products. For example, today in class I had a tube of "Save the Earth" Gum from Project Seven. The idea is that for every tube of gum you buy, they plant one fruit tree, thus providing food and eliminating CO2 from the air. If I have the option I will always buy a product made from materials that have a minimal footprint on our environment. I believe that this value was instilled in me by my love for the outdoors. As previously stated my brothers and I were always running about, especially in the woods near my house. My family also does an annual trip up to Big Lake, near Boulder Junction, Wisconsin. I am so passionate about the environment that I am considering making it my profession. It has impacted my daily life in many, many ways. The inserts of my shoes are made from Eco-friendly cushioning, I chew "Save the Earth" Gum, and my girlfriend and I are both very passionate about our planet.
The questions for the day are: What are your major values? How do you use those values in your daily life, and where did those values come from (what makes you value them)?
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Social Group
Social Group
My social group has affected nearly every aspect of who I am, from the clothes I wear to the way I talk. I have found that I tend to act differently depending on the social clique I am around. When I am with my teammates from soccer, I tend to act more like a "jock" than when I am with my core friend group. Since I started dating my girlfriend I have become much more picky about the clothes I wear and my appearance in general. I find that I am much more apt to wear something that she likes. Likewise I find myself wearing similar clothes as my friends to feel more a part of the group. I often find that I will use phrases I have heard my friends or girlfriend say without even thinking about it. Sometimes I feel bad about myself for following the trends of those around me, but most of the time it doesn't really bother me because I know that I ultimately am my own person.
Gender
Being a male has impacted who I am as an individual, how I view myself, and how others view me. I wear clothes that society expects a male to wear; I wouldn't wear a dress or anything that would be viewed as "feminine". I talk and carry myself as a male is expected to. When I look at my reflection I am often critical of my lack of muscle tone because, as a male, I am supposed to be fit, muscular, rugged, and lean. In my relationship I view myself as a provider and protector. I feel badly if I can't pay for things for my girlfriend because, as a male, I see myself as the breadwinner. However, I have not let the social norms completely dictate who I am as a male; I am not afraid to express my emotions or talk about my feelings.
Home
My home life has left a major mark on the person that I have become. Growing up in a rural small town has given me an appreciation for open space and left me with small town values. I can't ever imagine life without a yard to be able to stretch out in. Growing up with three older brothers has made me somewhat competitive, especially academically. Because I have older siblings, people who have known my brothers associate me with them and I strive to be, in some ways, more than my brothers. My parents' divorce has made me, in some regards skeptical of relationships, and in some regards, wiser about them. It has also, I believe, left me with some mental or emotional scarring; I have anxiety issues which likely stem from my parents fighting.
Religion
My religion (or rather a lack there of) has had some roll in creating the person I am today. Because I am agnostic atheist I never really felt that there was ever a higher order or any puppet master pulling the strings so I have always felt in control of my own fate and known that anything you want you have to get for yourself. I don't have any problem with my lack of faith, but when my mom found out that I am not a believer it really bothered her and it still does. My lack of God makes some people view me as "lost" or "inexperienced" but they are entitled to their own opinion, it's not going to change what I think. I have also found that my, in a sense, neutrality on religion has allowed me to become a much more accepting and open minded person.
Teen
There are many cliches associated with being a teen, I have found that, even more so as of late, I can easily fall into these cliches. I have found myself to be much more rebellious in recent months, lying to my parents, staying out late, not taking what authority figures say at face value. I have also been craving nothing more than independence and freedom. I am often cynical of the world I see around me because I have recently opened my eyes to some of the malpractice and outright stupidity that goes on around me. Naturally, because I am a teen I sometimes see myself as knowing more than I actually do and others, mainly my mother, see me as just another angsty know-it-all teenager.
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